Here's my choose-your-own-adventure story. I forgot what color my door was supposed to be (Red? Green?), so my story had to be...altered. The beginning's a bit long. It begins in a similar fashion to a universal crossover flick and degenerates into the silly.
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Choice: Door Without Color, Labelled "Revenant"
In the shadows away from the other doors you make out a door that seems to be...grey? White? Blue? When you think about it, the door could just as easily be red or yellow. It appears to be of a colour that cannot be defined with human vision. The only color on the door easily seen is its brass knob as well golden letters covered with dust, spelling the word "Revenant".
You think, Why not?
The shiny knob is very nearly brown from all the years of accumulated dust. It turns easily in your hand, and the door swings inward to reveal...utter blackness. It isn't just black. The room (if it is indeed a room) appears to be coated with the night itself.
You've come this far. There's no turning back.
You step into the darkness and find yourself falling through what appears to be Oblivion itself. But Oblivion, it seems, is not truly empty. As you fall, you see many images, one after the other, so many flashing before your eyes too fast for you to comprehend.
As you claw at the air (Air? In Oblivion?), you catch a fleeting scene of what may or may not have been sky before you promptly land on your backside rather hard. Pain blinds your vision for a moment, until you manage to use your hands to maneuver yourself into a sitting position. The surface you're laying on appears to be rather soft.
"Shi mata!" A voice exclaims.
You look up to see an ornate wooden desk, covered in scrolls of papyrus and what appear to be several strange origami animals. Sitting at the desk, an old man who looks to be of asian descent appears as if he was in the midst of pouring tea from a bronze kettle into a cup when you made your abrupt entrance. His eyes, wide with surprise, appear even wider with the circle-rimmed glasses he is wearing. His hair--what's left of it--is standing on end.
You painfully pick yourself off the floor and begin spluttering an explanation when the old man raises a hand to stall you. You see the sleeve of an ornate red robe trimmed with gold. The hand looks weathered through many years of manual labour...or is that combat? Visible over his left shoulder is the blade of a sword in its scabbard.
"Interesting," the man says. He speaks in a strange language, yet you understand him. You raise your eyebrow at this curiosity. He appears to be speaking a combination of both Chinese and Japanese. Thankfully, you understand both thanks to your second-language studies.
"I've always wanted a sunroof," The man remarks.
You look down at the floor. Around you lay pieces of debris...and sunlight? You look up to see blue sky and a corner of the sun where a ceiling should be. Suddenly embarrased, you realize that you must have crashed through the roof on your way here...wherever "here" may be.
"I...I apologize, sir," you say, struggling with the strange pronunciation of this composite language.
The old man waves it away. "There is no need for apologies. Believe me, I have seen things both far stranger and far more...damaging. Do you know how you came to be here?"
You launch into a brief explanation of how you came to be the one who punctured a hole in this man's home.
"I see," the old man says. He hops off his chair and walks to the front of the desk.
You realize now just how short this man really is. He barely stands one and a half meters tall...yet he carries himself with just enough precision to suggest that he might be dangerous.
"Forigve my rudeness," he says, his hands clasped in front of him. On his hand you see a golden ring with a red gem, engraved on which is a strange symbol. An animal? "I have not yet introduced myself. My name is Adrius Liao, Master of Angry Zen. Tell me, young one...do you have a name?"
"Yes," you furtively answer. You speak your name.
He appears to freeze for a moment, and then nods slightly.
"You said earlier that you were...falling through Oblivion? How did you know this? Was it...instinctual?"
At your nod, Adrius pulls a scroll from his desk bound with a wine-red ribbon. It looks old, and as Adrius pulls the ribbon off, you discover that he has trouble unfolding it properly. When he does, he clears his throat and begins reading aloud.
"'When Chaos grows ever nearer, and when the light of the Masters of Angry Zen are about to fade from the memory of Terra, an Angel will arrive. This Angel, falling through Oblivion and leaving a mark upon the earth, will signify the imminent defeat of Chaos and the Return of peace and prosperity to all.'"
There is an awkward pause.
"What was that?" You ask.
"The Prophecy," Adrius answers. "Twenty years ago, shortly before his death, the Grand Master of Angry Zen predicted the coming of a saviour, one who would save us from the ultimate enemy."
"Wait a minute," you interject, "What is this 'Angry Zen'? You've mentioned it a few times before..."
The man rolls his eyes and slaps his forehead. "Of course! How could I be so stupid? Naturally, that was going to be your first question.
"Angry Zen is, essentially, Enlightenment Through Focused Rage--the path to true understanding through the way of the warrior. It is more than that, though--it is a way of life, and it requires great sacrifice. The people of Chipan who choose to follow this path learn to focus their anger into useful purposes."
"Chipan?" You say, obviouslly stunned.
"That would be the country you are currently standing in," the old man answers.
"Oh."
"Those who practice Angry Zen need not always be warriors. Many of our artisans and scribes are practitioners of Angry Zen, and their training has allowed them to become exceptionally skilled at their trade."
"What was this...ah...Chaos you mentioned?" you ask.
"Just that," the old man says. "Chaos."
"You mean...literally 'Chaos'?" You find this somewhat a difficult concept to understand.
Adrius sighs. "Please, bear with me. Twenty-eight years ago, there was a man named Shak Tsi who commited a...major offense against the monarchy of Chipan."
"What...sort of offense?" you ask. You're not sure you want to hear the answer.
"He killed the heir to Chipan's throne..."--he sighed and closed his eyes--"...using an elongated leek."
"You mean to say...the heir was killed by an elongated form of a vegetable?"
Adrius opened his eyes. "Yes. Judging by the position in which both the leek and the body were found, it must have been an excruciatingly painful death."
You can't help it. You try to contain yourself, but burst out laughing.
"Quiet!" Adrius yells. "It is hardly a laughing matter! To be killed in such a dishonorable fashion condemns both the murderer and the murdered.
"Afterward, Shak Tsi appeared before a tribunal to face judgement. The Emperor wanted Tsi's blood, but Tsi himself managed to convince the tribunal to lift the sentence by a narrow margin. Instead of being executed, he was sentenced to exile in the northern mountain region. It was thought for certain that he was going to die there of sheer exposure."
Realization dawns on you. "Ah...and he didn't die?"
Adrius shakes his head. "Regrettably, no. Quite by accident, he found a portal that led to Chaos, one that was thought to have been destroyed long ago. He was somehow able to activate the portal...and thus chaos leapt forth into our world."
"What happened to Tsi?" you ask.
"Chaos took hold of him," Adrius said simply. "He is now used as Chaos' puppet. He is directing the forces of chaos in this realm. If he could be defeated...chaos would no longer hold sway over our world."
There is a pause.
"And...you think I'm the 'Angel' that's going to accomplish this?" You say, somewhat incredulous.
"Well, you do claim to have fallen through Oblivion." Adrius looks up at the hole in the ceiling.
"And you have made a significant 'mark upon the earth'..."
"So..." you begin. "If I agree to do this for you...what would I have to do?"
Adrius's face creases into an approximation of a smile. "Allow me to teach you the ways of Angry Zen, and you will learn to use the ways of Enlightenment Through Focused Rage to defeat Chaos and seal the portal. We are already at the edge of defeat. If you help us, you would not only save yourself, but also an entire country."
What do you think? Learning Angry Zen might be cool, but it may be a little too much sacrifice for you. Then again, as of now you have no way of returning home and you certainly don't have anything better to do.
1. Decline to agree to the training. You prefer your skin left intact.
2. Agree to the training.
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1. Adrius looks shocked and sad at your decision. He looks as if he is about to ask you to reconsider, but he stops himself and walks behind his desk. You hear the sound of a lever being pulled. The floor beneath your feet gives way into nothing but air. You fall, your limbs flailing wildly, until you land--
--back into the office of Adrius. You look up, stunned, to see a trapdoor in the ceiling. From your vantage point on the ground, you say "What the...? That's not physically possible! I can't fall from a room and end up in the same room!"
"Hmm," you hear the voice of Adrius say. "It's doing that thing again..."
Before you know what's happening, you see a blur of motion, and feel the blade of Adrius's katana plunge between your ribs.
Then, you truly do arrive at Oblivion.
2. Master Adrius appears overjoyed at your decision! Through the next five months, you begin learning the ways of Angry Zen. Through many trials, you unleash the anger within yourself into focused rage, and learn how to use it to fight better than any Angry Zen warrior currently alive.
Sadly, your master dies of an arrow wound to the chest on the day your training is complete. Taking his katana, you swear revenge against the forces of Chaos. Through many engagements, you slay the hordes of odd monstrosities until you arrive at the northern mountains, at the very site where the portal to chaos lays.
"Fie! The villainous cur arrives at last, yet withers in the face of temperate footwear!"
It seems master Adrius was quite correct in that these beings were truly "chaotic."
Your hair is plastered to your face with sweat. Blood runs from a dozen small wounds. Your breathing is heavy. The battle robes you wear have been cut and tattered. Around you lay the minions of chaos: assorted pieces of furniture. Pieces of furniture that move, have eyes, and talk...
...and what they say is pure randomness.
"I will use your soul to build a garage attached to my house made from the essence of pancakes!" Exclaims a lampshade.
"Indeed?" You say. You hurl the most vile Chaotic insult in return. "Your mother was a scone and your father bathed in ketchup! You do not deserve to own the spirit of kiwi!"
Remember,
random.
With a collective growl of pure rage, the army of furniture attacks. Your katana is fast, but you cannot ward off these attacks for long! What do you do?
2a. Give out from sheer exhaustion.
2b. Perform very-impressive swordfighting move to destroy the army of living furniture.
-
2a. Your knees suddenly buckle and your body collapses to the ground. Rather than kill you, however, the combined forces of furniture toss you into the chaotic portal, whereupon you are chewed up and spit out as the new leader of Chaos's invasion force. You conquer Chipan and are later killed by the unlikelihood of a house falling on top of you. A passerby relieves you of your magical red shoes.
2b. Your sword begins to glow a blinding white light. You raise your blade above your head and yell with the voice of five thousand angels, "PATH THROUGH OBLIVION!" A very cool computer-generated move ensues, whereupon the army of furniture is destroyed, leaving only one enemy...Shak Tsi. He stands before you, wearing black armor and a black helmet and holding a black sword. Something about him tells you that he has a very dark personality.
He points his blade at you and shouts, "I are pant!" A fierce swordfight follows. You distract him by pointing to a nonexistent object.
"Look over there!" You yell.
"Huh?" Tsi looks away.
"Yoink!" You plunge your blade into the heart of Shak Tsi. His body is sucked back into the chaotic portal, which itself disappears suddenly with the sound of a cork being pulled from a bottle.
You collapse from exhaustion and fall asleep.
When you awaken, you find yourself in the hallway with the six doors. You pick yourself off the floor and proceed to pick another door...
