Joe's choose your own adventure, mildly revised

You enter the large, ominously decorated yellow door named “Shotgun.”

Inside is a nice cozy apartment, with teddy bear curtains and the smell of fresh baked waffles wafting through the air. You are immediately confronted by a shotgun wielding lunatic, who glares at you menacingly.

“My name is Sam. Help me, or I’ll blow your face off!”

(1) Agree to help him… with what?

(2)Don’t help him, take a chance!

(1) You look Sam in the eye, and agree to help him. He nods, and begins describing the situation.

“Twenty four hours ago, the city was invaded by an army of crabs. Their leader is a forty foot wide crab, capable of taking out tanks with a single swipe. If they are not stopped, the whole city will become fodder for the crab horde, and humanity will be destroyed!”

You nod warily, not sure of how to take the news. Sam tosses you a small Uzi, and heads out the door, motioning you to follow him.

Outside in the streets, it’s total chaos. Crabs are scurrying everywhere, swarms of them devouring people as they run screaming from the main horde. You and Sam start blasting away, slaughtering thousands of them, moving towards the main crab horde, where a giant crab shell can be faintly seen above the neighboring buildings. You turn a corner, and are faced with thousands of crabs, all charging towards you with one purpose. Sam chucks a grenade towards them, dives to the left, and screams at you. “DUCK!”

(1a) Duck to the right

(1b) Duck to the left

(1a) You dive to the right as the grenade goes off, finding cover behind a trash can, which narrowly protects you from the massive blast. Sam rolled out from behind his cover, pumping his shotgun at any crab that was still moving. You poke your head out, and see a street filled with carnage, crabmeat strewn everywhere, with a massive crab towering at the intersection, screeching in frustration at its dead horde. You fire your Uzi at it, screaming a warcry, as it charges towards you, ripping you into shred with one swipe of its massive claw.

(1b) You dive to the left, towards Sam, as the grenade flies through the air. You roll behind him, and the explosion occurs, knocking you flat as Sam jumps over his cover and begins firing at the massive king crab. You jump up and begin firing at the smaller crabs, as Sam pulls out his rocket launcher and begins blasting away at their leader. Victory is almost at hand when you feel pincers on your neck, and your spinal cord is severed as your body is slowly eaten by the smaller crabs.

(2) You shake your head, looking at Sam. “Theres no way I’m going to help you, you’re obviously crazy! I’m calling the loony bin!” Sam looks at you, glaring, then raises his shotgun to fire. Just before he does, a massive crab claw rips through the wall, dragging him down out of the apartment. You sigh in relief, and head towards the freshly baked waffles, realizing just as you open the waffle iron that Sam probably had his entire apartment booby trapped. Which he did, as the waffle iron explodes in flame, and you are rapidly covered in flaming waffle dough. You die, screaming in agony, as the hot liquid slides down your throat and burns out your internal organs.

Aaaand thats that.