Apocalypse? By Joe.

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Sam looked at the commercial blankly, not sure if he believed what he was seeing. Had the apocalypse just been… merchandized? The news came on, and he quickly realized with horror that it had.

The news anchor quickly described, in his bland tones, how the Apocalypse had arrived, and the citizens loved it. It then cut to a shot of the streets, with a huge mass of people dancing in the flaming streets, waving signs proclaiming “If this is the Apocalypse, where’s the End of the World?” Hawkers moved up and down the sidewalks, selling cheesy apocalypse merchandise, along with the requisite corny T-shirts.

Sam sat in a state of shock for a few seconds, then jumped up and moved into action. Swinging his jacket onto his shoulders and making sure his shotgun was loaded, he went out to ensure that this horrible Apocalypse wouldn’t be the real one.

The streets were filled with real flame, as he quickly realized when he opened his door. Oddly enough, the people standing in the streets weren’t burning, so he figured it was mostly harmless and charged out into the mess. In seconds, his boots were on fire, along with his jacket, and he was rolling on the ground in agony. Thankfully, a passerby dumped a bucket of water on him, and the fire went out rather quickly.

Sam jumped to his feet yet again, swinging his shotgun off his shoulder. He raised it and fired at the nearest fire hydrant, sending a stream of water out in every direction, dousing the local fires on the streets. People all around turned their heads and looked at him, screaming obscenities and insults. Sam paused for a moment, puzzled. Why would they be reacting like this when he had clearly saved their lives? No matter, he continued on his quest to stop the apocalypse.

He moved on, blowing apart every hydrant he could find. It was working as far as he could tell, half the fires in the city were under control, and the screaming crowds had long since left the streets. However, as he turned the next street corner, he realized that things were going to get far worse before they got better.

An army of unearthly creatures was marching down the street towards him, screaming unholy cries and waving their arms threateningly in his direction. Sam quickly pulled a grenade out of his back pocket and hurled it into their midst. They tried to scatter, but the grenade went off far too quickly for them to get away. Body parts showered into the air, as Sam dove through the group, blasting away at the survivors with his shotgun. Several of them attempted to jump on him and knock him to the ground, but in a burst of adrenaline, he shook them off and mowed them down with his shotgun. After the last blast faded away, he took stock of his surroundings. Not one of the creatures was left alive, and he was alone in the streets yet again. He took aim at a hydrant, fired, and moved on.

A monstrous screech echoed through the sky, and a gigantic winged creature swung around the nearest skyscraper, emitting jets of flame from its mouth. Sam ducked and rolled out of the way, swinging his rocket launcher out from under his coat. He fired two rockets in rapid succession, and then dived into a storefront as they impacted with the huge beast. It screamed its agony as it plunged to the ground, exploding and bathing the street in flame (again.)

Sam charged forward again, and then collapsed face first, the world spinning around him as his eyes closed. He heard voices shouting around him, footsteps, a mad, unearthly howl, and then nothing.

He awoke in a shining white room, with an angelic figure standing over him, with a pleased look on its face.

“Good, you’re awake again! How are you feeling, Sam?”

Sam thought for a moment, and then asked the only important question he had on his mind.

“Did I end the Apocalypse?”

“Of course you did, Sam.”

Sam smiled and lay back down as the angel left the room, and slept again.