Donkeys, by Joseph

Well, heres a bit of writing that I wrote in my spare time, just a odd piece of drivel that has no meaning whatsoever, and is based entirely on the word relation between "donkey" and "ass."
Puns are intended.

How a Donkey became an Ass

It was hard being a donkey. Some would disagree, but they just didn’t know the amount of work it took to keep the façade of stubbornness going. When you actually liked your master, but were bound by the codes of donkey law to refuse to do work for him, it was hard. It brutalized me, the only way I survived my first few weeks as a work donkey was by shutting down my emotions and just doing what had to be done.

However, my Donkey overseer quickly saw what was happening to me, and realized that I was in a tight situation. Should I continue on my path, I could become a bitter, victimized donkey, sent to battle in the wars like so many others, but if I succumbed to my emotions and allowed my master to pull me around wherever he wished, I would be immediately captured and imprisoned by the Donkey Gestapo.

So that was my first assignment ended quickly. I was put on warning, and sent to pull a rickshaw in Vietnam. A small business run by a young enterprising Vietnamese boy, He had ordered about twenty donkeys to assist him in his mass transportation enterprise, and I was the first one sent out by the chiefs to fill his order. He was delighted when he saw me, and immediately hooked me up to a rickshaw and began whipping me through the streets to offer people transportation.

He was cruel, didn’t give me enough to eat, and made me work far too hard, in short, he was an ass. Somehow, the other donkeys didn’t arrive, and so his donkey transportation service was far less profitable than he had first expected, of course he took out his anger on me, which was not particularly pleasant.

I grew more stubborn and nasty, outperforming the wildest dreams of my teachers, and indeed destroying all hopes of my owner becoming a profitable businessman. I waited for the call to return to the Donkey base, but somehow I had gotten abandoned, forgotten in a mess of paperwork that left me with an abusive owner, where it was only a matter of time before he ended up killing me. I knew I had to escape from the situation the night after he tried to carve me up wit ha knife, so while I was tied to the rickshaw, I made a dash for it.

I charged through the streets, smashing through roadside stalls and other rickshaws, moving as fast as possible, making a break for the docks. If I could find a boat, it would be easy enough to hide on it. My old owner was furiously chasing after me, shouting for people to catch me, but they were far more interested in talking with him and making him pay for the damage I had done to their own property.

I made it to the port, and quickly scrambled aboard the nearest ship, kicking three sailors off the side in my mad dash, gaining the cargo hold just as it raised anchor.

Two weeks later, after killing another seven sailors as they tried to capture me, we made landfall in the United States, and I quickly hurried to Donkey HQ.

I was given an honorable achievements medal for my accomplishments, and upgraded from the rank of Donkey to the rank of Ass, for my “Brutal stubbornness, willingness to kill in the name of Donkey, and your final maneuvers in the escape from the Vietnamese Rickshaw owner.”

And that’s my story.

Apologies to any Vietnamese reading this, it was a random nationality I picked out of a hat, no offense intended.

As I said, it's meaningless drivel.
~Joe