Joes short story assignment "Money makes the world go round."

“Money Makes the World Go Round.”

Sam walked easily down the street, ignoring the smoke and police sirens coming from behind him. His battle with the giant crabs had gone well, but the city authorities, as usual, were frustrated with the amount of collateral damage he had caused. He needed a fun diversion, and a place to hide.

He turned the corner, and bumped into a strange looking man dressed in what appeared to be an ancient Roman toga with an unintelligible design on it. The man looked up, and smiled happily upon seeing his face.

“Greetings, Sam! It is most fortunate that you were walking this way at this time, for we have now met! I am Gridius, who might you be?”

Sam was completely unfazed, and looked Gridius in the eye. “I’m Sam, odd jobs solved with heavy weaponry, no job too small.”

“Capital! I have a job for you, but it will require something outside of your normal activities. Go to the bank and change all your money into quarters, and then meet me back here. Hurry, hurry!”

Sam nodded, and walked off towards the bank. Once inside, he emptied his pockets of money, and changed the six hundred seventy eight dollars that he found into quarters.

The bank clerks looked at him oddly, but didn’t say anything, probably because of the shotgun on his back. They handing him a large sack, which he tucked into his coat, and watched him leave nervously.

Back at the street corner, Gridius was hopping with excitement as Sam approached. Hopping, anyways.

“You have the quarters? Good. Follow me, and don’t say a word! They’re watching!”

Sam followed Gridius around a few turns before he ducked into a phone booth. Sam followed, and was surprised to feel the booth sink below the ground, at a speed far surpassing that of sound, and possibly light as well. A moment later, the booth stopped, and Gridius ran outside and began hopping again.

Your job begins here, Sam. I can guide you no farther. Just use the quarters, and do what you do best!”

Sam walked down the corridor, passing posters that advertised movies and games long past. He came up to a huge door, which had flashing signs all over warning against entry. The shotgun wielder paid no attention to them, and shot the door off of its hinges, sending it smashing into the tiled floor. Inside was a giant coin operated machine, with many arrows and signs pointing at the slot in the center.

“Insert quarter to turn world!”

“Money DOES make the world go round! Insert quarter to operate!”

“Insert a quarter, save a civilization from death by electromagnetic fields!”

There was a corpse at the slot, its fingers grasping the coin slot, the rest of it slowly mouldering on the floor.

Just to be safe, Sam shot the corpse, then moved up to the coin slot, pulling a quarter from his sack of coins and inserting it into the slot. Gears shifted and rumbled, and the view outside of the room started spinning slowly. The door moved around to another tunnel, and the reason for the corpse was revealed. A gigantic monster, its skin sheathed entirely in quarters, stood in the other entrance.

It charged towards Sam, its massive claws made of sharpened game tokens whistling over his head and bouncing off of the invulnerable machine.

Sam’s shotgun barked in response, but the buckshot merely pinged off the shiny hide of the monster. He rolled forward, jamming his feet into its gut, and a shiny shower of quarters spewed out of its mouth, landing on Sam with a tinkling sound.

He rolled out from under them, searching his coat for his rocket launcher, hoping that he still had a shot left. Unluckily for him, he had used his very last shot on the King Crab. This was going to be a tough fight.

He ripped a light pole off the wall, and happily noted the sparks that flew from the broken wires. He swung viciously, staggering the Quarter Creature back towards the sparking wires, hitting it relentlessly as it tried to brace itself with its claws.

A claw brushed the wires, and electricity shot through it, covering it in sparks, blowing out its shiny dollar eyes. Sam ducked for cover behind the world turning machine, just as quarters shot out over the room, burying themselves in the walls. His duty done, he dumped out his sack of quarters on the floor, next to the Corpse of the Quarter Creature, and headed back to the phone booth, satisfied with a job well done.

(Behind him, the quarters moved.)

Teh End!